Asheville, North Carolina

Our gracious hosts, Will and Adrienne

 Every restaurant had their own garden. It was amazing and it smelled so good. Here is Eva giving it a whiff.

 This was the giant fireplace at the Grove Inn. It was amazing and this picture does not adequately capture it. It was more like a cave.

 The magnificent Grove Inn. Check out the link: http://www.groveparkinn.com/Leisure/

 The mountains of Asheville

 Eva did not inherit her mother's fear of heights. She had no problem looking down the mountain-side.

 Burritos all around!

Adrienne and I

Fun with the Cousins

Making "chicken nuggets" with Audrey and Aunt Krissy

Cousin Abbey- so pretty!

 Audrey hanging in the sunshine

 After eating watermelon (Roxy's hoping for some leftovers)

 Uncle Zach, Isabella and "power-tongue" Kiera

 Being a trooper at Busch Gardens

Loving her some toast with jam!

Visiting the Ver Eecke Family in Cape Cod

 Did I mention Eva ran naked on the same beach the Kennedy's vacation on?

Proud to be with daddy

There's Eva and my god-daughter, Rogan!

Grateful

This week was a little rough for me. I know this because everyone in my house had trouble sleeping. Eva, by all likely accounts, has an ear infection. (We'll be visiting the doctor tomorrow morning- pronto!) Kyle has been up late studying every night. I have been tossing, turning, and worrying! I am a world-class worrier. If there is something I can worry about, something even remotely possible, I will worry about it. For example, every time it thunderstorms I worry one of the trees in our backyard will fall on our house. I know it could happen because it happened to a friend of mine. It doesn't matter that all of the trees are healthy; I'm convinced that my worrying is keeping them up and off our roof.

Alas, I digress. What had me going this week were serious matters. Every now and then I'm reminded again how precious life is. Two dear friends of mine faced very difficult challenges this last month. One gave birth to a stillborn baby with a neural tube defect, and one's newborn son was born prematurely and diagnosed with Down Syndrome. I have witnessed these friends move through their grief (and joy) with grace. I have been awed by God's presence in their lives. Each one recounted to me that they felt the Lord with them when things seemed most dire, and both are finding the strength to hope and trust that God's plan remains before them. In my conversations with my friend who lost her baby, our focus has centered on the concept of risk. For her, it takes an enormous amount of trust, strength and faith to dare to hope for a healthy baby again. What it seems to come down to is that trying for a baby is risky, being pregnant is risky, giving birth is risky, and being a parent is risky. Having and sharing a life with a child is the ultimate risk and reward. There is no promise of how things might turn out. For us, Eva's birth was scary and unexpected. In many ways, it represented a valley in our lives, and the fear of what might happen sometimes won out over my faith that things would be okay. As I thought about my friends this week, what kept me up at night was my desire to be there for them, and also the realization of just how amazingly grateful I am for the way things turned out for our little one. We have come such a long way! I also realized that I would not hesitate a moment to do it all again, even if I did not know how well things would turn out, just for the chance to be Eva's mom.

"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof."
-Khalil Gibran

Everyone Matters

Eva waves to everyone, and I mean everyone. Case in point, we were at a rest stop on our way home from North Carolina on Sunday. Kyle was standing with Eva near the car. Eva waved at every car that exited the highway and entered the parking lot in front of her. She waved so vigorously that a few of the drivers looked up at her in surprise, smiled and waved back. It's amazing how most everyone will smile at a baby. Old, young, rough around the edges, or well-manicured. Everyone loves a baby, and my baby seems to show an interest in everyone. To her, everyone deserves a wave... even the woodchuck crossing the street. We were out on the porch blowing bubbles and eating popsicles. I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye, and Eva saw it too. I stood up. She pulled on my leg, wanting me to pick her up. She took a look at the woodchuck scurrying across our neighbor's yard and began waving with a big smile on her face. Even the woodchuck matters. I think, but I cannot be sure, that the woodchuck smiled and waved back.

Summertime Adventures

Today Eva and I are going exploring! We are going to visit some consignment stores and maybe stop somewhere new for lunch on the way. That's one of the things I love about living in a big city. There is always something new to explore. I am hoping that Eva will be able to help me find some great things to outfit my office. I am thinking that having a home office may inspire me to get some work done around here! Hopefully I will come home with some treasures and post some pictures.

In other adventures, we are going to Asheville to visit a dear friend this weekend. Never been, but it's bound to be fun! I love road trips with my family. Today I will start packing and prepare the trail mix. I love seeing how cheaply we can travel with a little preparation. That leaves more money for shopping!

Ponderings of a Full-time Mom

Before I had Eva, I was (and pretty much still am) one of those liberal, feminist types. I don't mean to paint people in broad brushstrokes, but if I had to sum up my beliefs about women, working, and social rights, I guess that is where I would generally fall. As with many things I've realized as I've matured, most things in this world are not so black and white. This past year I have been confronted with the age-old conflict of whether or not to stay home with Eva or continue to invest in my career. I always realized that having the ability to have and care for children put women at a distinct disadvantage in the competitive marketplace. It's no hidden fact that women still make less than men in almost all professions when experience and education level are otherwise equal. For some reason, I don't know why exactly, I thought I would be immune. However, since having Eva I have held four different jobs, none with any permanency in my desire to balance my identities as a working professional and mother. My most recent position, despite moving our family over 500 miles to new state and assurances that this position would be funded the following year, was cut due to department reorganization. So for the fourth time this year, I find myself sending out resumes, lining up references, sending out transcripts, and pounding the pavement looking for a job. After hitting my head against a wall more than a few times, I think it is finally dawning on me that I'm considered a "flight risk" to employers as a part-time employee. I have never concealed my desire to stay home at least part-time with my little girl. This threatens people. There's this perception that I must be less dedicated to my job, my students, and the teachers and families I work with if I work part-time. It's almost as if I cannot be counted on to show up everyday. My search for other flexible employment has generally come up empty-handed. It looks as if I must pursue full-time positions. I feel pigeon-holed and this opens up other cans of worms. Firstly, I don't want to be away from my little girl forty plus hours a week. I know that's what people do, and she would be absolutely fine, but I'm never going to look back at my life and wish I had worked more. I can project that one day I may look back at my life and say, "I wish I had spent more time with my kids." Secondly, finding a job in unstable economic times is incredibly difficulty regardless of my education or experience level. I have always been raised that any job is a good job and hard work is the only way to pay for the things you want. Recently I have been given the chance to pursue an opportunity outside of the field of education, in the corporate setting. I think I would enjoy the position, culture, and people I work with, but I am having trouble stomaching the idea of spending 2-3 hours a day with my child the majority of each week. I'm aware of some other options that would give me more time with my family, but are less stable and likely pay less as well. How can I turn down one job without any promise of another? What to do? Maybe it is a question of faith; faith in our definition of what's important, faith in my skills, and faith that God will provide the means. Maybe...

 I recently read a post on another momma's blog about this subject. I know that moms are harder on themselves than anyone else would be. There is guilt on either side of the fence, but the author of this post said that all of us, part-time, full-time or no-time, need to let go of the "should dos." We all need to cut ourselves some slack and realize that the balance between our families, our careers, our identities, develops a day at time. There is no right way or magic solution. We are all doing what we can, the best we can, and let's leave it at that.