Over this holiday break, I have been learning to feel comforted by the small, meaningful rituals that make this time of year especially special. A few of my favorites are:
- curling up and reading a good book
- having a cup of coffee while chatting with a friend
- baking goodies, especially with Eva
- walking through the neighborhood to admire all of the lights
- singing along to my favorite christmas music
All this got me thinking about the rituals I want to incorporate in my day to day life. One of the rituals I enjoy most is writing. (A close cousin to reading.) I am making a new year's resolution to blog at least once a week. I think this will be a good starting place considering my current blogging rate is zero, nada, nuthin'. I also realized I wanted to incorporate not only parenthood topics, but crafting, funny inspirations, and thoughts on marriage, work and home.
My first order of business is to share a new holiday tradition that my family has begun this year. From now on, after Christmas day, we will create a memory jar for our favorite memories of 2011. We will add to it the whole week after Christmas and New Year's Eve will be the perfect time to remember, laugh, and feel grateful for all the things we did the previous year. My hope is that instead of feeling sad the holidays are ending, we may feel excited and hopeful about the coming year. I got the idea from Kiwi magazine: http://www.kiwimagonline.com/
Here is a sample of some of my favorite memories of 2011:
Signing the mortgage on our first home
Celebrating Eva's first birthday
Eva's first steps
Coming home after a long day of work to find Kyle painted our bedroom to surprise me
Going horseback riding on our sixth wedding anniversary
Swimming at the neighborhood pool
Landing a wonderful job
Having all of our family visit at one time or another
Sleeping all together in our living room during Hurricane Irene (and not having any major damage)
I know this year will hold so many more wonderful surprises. I can't wait!
December 29, 2011
July 24, 2011
Asheville, North Carolina
Fun with the Cousins
Visiting the Ver Eecke Family in Cape Cod
Grateful
This week was a little rough for me. I know this because everyone in my house had trouble sleeping. Eva, by all likely accounts, has an ear infection. (We'll be visiting the doctor tomorrow morning- pronto!) Kyle has been up late studying every night. I have been tossing, turning, and worrying! I am a world-class worrier. If there is something I can worry about, something even remotely possible, I will worry about it. For example, every time it thunderstorms I worry one of the trees in our backyard will fall on our house. I know it could happen because it happened to a friend of mine. It doesn't matter that all of the trees are healthy; I'm convinced that my worrying is keeping them up and off our roof.
Alas, I digress. What had me going this week were serious matters. Every now and then I'm reminded again how precious life is. Two dear friends of mine faced very difficult challenges this last month. One gave birth to a stillborn baby with a neural tube defect, and one's newborn son was born prematurely and diagnosed with Down Syndrome. I have witnessed these friends move through their grief (and joy) with grace. I have been awed by God's presence in their lives. Each one recounted to me that they felt the Lord with them when things seemed most dire, and both are finding the strength to hope and trust that God's plan remains before them. In my conversations with my friend who lost her baby, our focus has centered on the concept of risk. For her, it takes an enormous amount of trust, strength and faith to dare to hope for a healthy baby again. What it seems to come down to is that trying for a baby is risky, being pregnant is risky, giving birth is risky, and being a parent is risky. Having and sharing a life with a child is the ultimate risk and reward. There is no promise of how things might turn out. For us, Eva's birth was scary and unexpected. In many ways, it represented a valley in our lives, and the fear of what might happen sometimes won out over my faith that things would be okay. As I thought about my friends this week, what kept me up at night was my desire to be there for them, and also the realization of just how amazingly grateful I am for the way things turned out for our little one. We have come such a long way! I also realized that I would not hesitate a moment to do it all again, even if I did not know how well things would turn out, just for the chance to be Eva's mom.
"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof."
-Khalil Gibran
Alas, I digress. What had me going this week were serious matters. Every now and then I'm reminded again how precious life is. Two dear friends of mine faced very difficult challenges this last month. One gave birth to a stillborn baby with a neural tube defect, and one's newborn son was born prematurely and diagnosed with Down Syndrome. I have witnessed these friends move through their grief (and joy) with grace. I have been awed by God's presence in their lives. Each one recounted to me that they felt the Lord with them when things seemed most dire, and both are finding the strength to hope and trust that God's plan remains before them. In my conversations with my friend who lost her baby, our focus has centered on the concept of risk. For her, it takes an enormous amount of trust, strength and faith to dare to hope for a healthy baby again. What it seems to come down to is that trying for a baby is risky, being pregnant is risky, giving birth is risky, and being a parent is risky. Having and sharing a life with a child is the ultimate risk and reward. There is no promise of how things might turn out. For us, Eva's birth was scary and unexpected. In many ways, it represented a valley in our lives, and the fear of what might happen sometimes won out over my faith that things would be okay. As I thought about my friends this week, what kept me up at night was my desire to be there for them, and also the realization of just how amazingly grateful I am for the way things turned out for our little one. We have come such a long way! I also realized that I would not hesitate a moment to do it all again, even if I did not know how well things would turn out, just for the chance to be Eva's mom.
"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof."
-Khalil Gibran
July 19, 2011
Everyone Matters
Eva waves to everyone, and I mean everyone. Case in point, we were at a rest stop on our way home from North Carolina on Sunday. Kyle was standing with Eva near the car. Eva waved at every car that exited the highway and entered the parking lot in front of her. She waved so vigorously that a few of the drivers looked up at her in surprise, smiled and waved back. It's amazing how most everyone will smile at a baby. Old, young, rough around the edges, or well-manicured. Everyone loves a baby, and my baby seems to show an interest in everyone. To her, everyone deserves a wave... even the woodchuck crossing the street. We were out on the porch blowing bubbles and eating popsicles. I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye, and Eva saw it too. I stood up. She pulled on my leg, wanting me to pick her up. She took a look at the woodchuck scurrying across our neighbor's yard and began waving with a big smile on her face. Even the woodchuck matters. I think, but I cannot be sure, that the woodchuck smiled and waved back.
July 13, 2011
Summertime Adventures
Today Eva and I are going exploring! We are going to visit some consignment stores and maybe stop somewhere new for lunch on the way. That's one of the things I love about living in a big city. There is always something new to explore. I am hoping that Eva will be able to help me find some great things to outfit my office. I am thinking that having a home office may inspire me to get some work done around here! Hopefully I will come home with some treasures and post some pictures.
In other adventures, we are going to Asheville to visit a dear friend this weekend. Never been, but it's bound to be fun! I love road trips with my family. Today I will start packing and prepare the trail mix. I love seeing how cheaply we can travel with a little preparation. That leaves more money for shopping!
In other adventures, we are going to Asheville to visit a dear friend this weekend. Never been, but it's bound to be fun! I love road trips with my family. Today I will start packing and prepare the trail mix. I love seeing how cheaply we can travel with a little preparation. That leaves more money for shopping!
July 09, 2011
Ponderings of a Full-time Mom
Before I had Eva, I was (and pretty much still am) one of those liberal, feminist types. I don't mean to paint people in broad brushstrokes, but if I had to sum up my beliefs about women, working, and social rights, I guess that is where I would generally fall. As with many things I've realized as I've matured, most things in this world are not so black and white. This past year I have been confronted with the age-old conflict of whether or not to stay home with Eva or continue to invest in my career. I always realized that having the ability to have and care for children put women at a distinct disadvantage in the competitive marketplace. It's no hidden fact that women still make less than men in almost all professions when experience and education level are otherwise equal. For some reason, I don't know why exactly, I thought I would be immune. However, since having Eva I have held four different jobs, none with any permanency in my desire to balance my identities as a working professional and mother. My most recent position, despite moving our family over 500 miles to new state and assurances that this position would be funded the following year, was cut due to department reorganization. So for the fourth time this year, I find myself sending out resumes, lining up references, sending out transcripts, and pounding the pavement looking for a job. After hitting my head against a wall more than a few times, I think it is finally dawning on me that I'm considered a "flight risk" to employers as a part-time employee. I have never concealed my desire to stay home at least part-time with my little girl. This threatens people. There's this perception that I must be less dedicated to my job, my students, and the teachers and families I work with if I work part-time. It's almost as if I cannot be counted on to show up everyday. My search for other flexible employment has generally come up empty-handed. It looks as if I must pursue full-time positions. I feel pigeon-holed and this opens up other cans of worms. Firstly, I don't want to be away from my little girl forty plus hours a week. I know that's what people do, and she would be absolutely fine, but I'm never going to look back at my life and wish I had worked more. I can project that one day I may look back at my life and say, "I wish I had spent more time with my kids." Secondly, finding a job in unstable economic times is incredibly difficulty regardless of my education or experience level. I have always been raised that any job is a good job and hard work is the only way to pay for the things you want. Recently I have been given the chance to pursue an opportunity outside of the field of education, in the corporate setting. I think I would enjoy the position, culture, and people I work with, but I am having trouble stomaching the idea of spending 2-3 hours a day with my child the majority of each week. I'm aware of some other options that would give me more time with my family, but are less stable and likely pay less as well. How can I turn down one job without any promise of another? What to do? Maybe it is a question of faith; faith in our definition of what's important, faith in my skills, and faith that God will provide the means. Maybe...
I recently read a post on another momma's blog about this subject. I know that moms are harder on themselves than anyone else would be. There is guilt on either side of the fence, but the author of this post said that all of us, part-time, full-time or no-time, need to let go of the "should dos." We all need to cut ourselves some slack and realize that the balance between our families, our careers, our identities, develops a day at time. There is no right way or magic solution. We are all doing what we can, the best we can, and let's leave it at that.
I recently read a post on another momma's blog about this subject. I know that moms are harder on themselves than anyone else would be. There is guilt on either side of the fence, but the author of this post said that all of us, part-time, full-time or no-time, need to let go of the "should dos." We all need to cut ourselves some slack and realize that the balance between our families, our careers, our identities, develops a day at time. There is no right way or magic solution. We are all doing what we can, the best we can, and let's leave it at that.
June 28, 2011
Turning Over a New Leaf Part 2
Okay, I know I haven't posted in a million years. But I have lots of good reasons, I swear. Since my last post Eva turned one, we moved to Richmond, Virginia, bought a house, and both of us started new jobs. Can you believe it? Eva joined the world of walkers. She can run, jump, and (to my dismay) climb all two flights of stairs in our new home. She laughs all the way up because she knows she is not supposed to be climbing without us. We moved in the beginning of March and between visitors, unpacking, a few long road trips, and remodeling a bathroom I have fallen sadly behind on my correspondence. Now that summer is here and things are calming down a bit, I can't wait to catch up. There are so many good things to share! Looking back at my previous posts made me a little teary-eyed. I loved reading them. Time passes by so fast. I am reminded of my original purpose in writing this blog; to share our lives with those that we love and also to take the time to record all of our "firsts" with our beautiful, not-so-baby girl. It's hard to figure out where you're going, if you don't take the time to appreciate where you've been!
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